Discussion without getting personal

We are to discuss doctrines but when someone gets personal on a person's spiritual being, that causes strife. But..... lack of self-control in expressing personal attack is a sign of spiritual weakness. James 3:5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. In other words, we are to look at our words. Is it the speech of living faith? And apply ourself to control our hearts because in Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." and another in Proverbs 16:23 "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction."